


the significance of victory

by candied_stupidity (efflorescent_idiocy)



Series: HQ Angst Week 2020 [3]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Canon Compliant, M/M, Unhappy Ending, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-04
Updated: 2020-11-04
Packaged: 2021-03-09 04:07:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,027
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27358498
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/efflorescent_idiocy/pseuds/candied_stupidity
Summary: They've won against Aoba Johsai.Theybeat Seijoh.Why doesn't it feel like they have?
Relationships: Iwaizumi Hajime/Oikawa Tooru (hinted), Kageyama Tobio/Oikawa Tooru
Series: HQ Angst Week 2020 [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1996114
Comments: 2
Kudos: 48
Collections: Haikyuu Angst Week 2020





	the significance of victory

He spikes desperately and sees Kindaichi much too late.

The ball somehow goes up behind him, and he runs under it and focuses on giving the best toss he can. There's nothing in his mind except determination to prove himself worthy - to Oikawa-san, and Iwaizumi-san, and everyone who'd ever doubted them.

Hinata runs up, looks at him in a way that screams, _give it to me!_

He can't resist the request - he trusts Hinata to make it, to do what he's never been able to do before.

He tosses, then sees the three-person block. Terror shoots through him, and he's so, so scared that it'll be over before he knows it.

Hinata spikes; Tobio can only close his eyes and _hope._

The ball thuds softly - first against skin, but then he hears it - faux leather pattering against the wood.

He straightens, slowly, looks at the ball rolling on the floor, and the players from both teams frozen all around him.

_What happened? Did we score? ___

____

He looks at the scoreboard, and it hits him then - they _scored._ They really _won._

__

He screams in ecstasy, his entire team tackling him and melting into a chaotic pile on the floor.

__

They've just swallowed the whole wide world, and they're still ravenous, still looking for something _more._

__

_There is nothing,_ he thinks, _that can top the way I feel right now._

__

He's being hit, shaken, people are ruffling his hair, and he feels _loved,_ all the way down to his bones. He feels _alive._ Tobio's never felt this way before, not even with his parents - not with Miwa, or even his grandfather.

__

He casts a glance at Seijoh, and his mood plummets like a dying bird. They're all crying, even Iwaizumi-san. Oikawa-san is clearly holding it back, though he almost looks dangerous with how hard he's trying to seem calm and unaffected.

__

He looks over and glares at Tobio. The raw resentment in his eyes is overwhelming. Iwaizumi-san looks up too, a terrible sadness clear on his face, and bitter regret stabs pain into his chest.

__

They look away, first Oikawa-san and then Iwaizumi-san, reluctant as he always is.

__

His heart cracks open, slowly at first before crumbling to dust within seconds.

__

_(The most dangerous thing he's ever done is wear his heart on his sleeve.)_

__

He starts to cry, tears gently dripping down his cheeks.

__

"Yamayama-kun," Hinata teases, oblivious. "Are you crying?"

__

He smiles through the overwhelming emotions, genuine and yet the fakest expression he's ever had on his face.

__

"I'm just really _happy."_

__

Hinata snorts and moves on like the idiot he is.

__

Oikawa-san glances over at him, gaze cutting like knives dragging across his skin.

__

_Liar,_ his teary eyes say. _You're a dirty liar._

__

He turns away and slaps Iwaizumi-san on the back, doesn't pause or even look back like Tobio can't seem to stop doing.

__

(Oikawa-san never ever looks back. He should be used to it.)

__

An old wound aches, the pain fresh and searing. He feels like a _King_ again.

__

Tobio won - he just _won_ \- but did he really?

__

* * *

__

_He hides in a bathroom to calm down (to press the feelings down, down, down,_ so far away it can never come back).

He thinks he's getting the hang of it, huddled on the toilet as he is.

Oikawa-san comes in and ruins the whole thing like the bastard he is, splashes his face with water because he isn't all that peachy either.

"Tobio-chan," he murmurs, just barely loud enough to hear, and he still has to listen closely, muffling his shuddering breaths with his arm. "You're crying."

Tobio doesn't respond, too busy gasping for breath. They're quiet, water running in place of words.

"I thought you'd be happier, honestly," he admits.

At this, he cracks, politeness completely disappearing.

"How could I?" he chokes. "How could I be happy when you are the way you are?"

Oikawa-san is silent, perhaps shocked into silence.

"I've never wanted to hurt you - all I have ever wanted was to be on equal ground. I only want you to acknowledge me, because you're everything I've ever wanted to be," he admits.

"Tobio-chan, I-"

"You're my hero, Oikawa-san, and you've never even looked at me. I don't think I'm even a real _person_ to you," he sniffles.

"I'm sorry, Tobio."

"I know."

The tap squeaks as Oikawa-san shuts the water off.

His shoes tap on the tile, closer and closer until they're right in front of the stall door.

He completely stops moving, breath caught in his lungs like an animal in a trap.

"Tobio, won't you come out? Let me say sorry to you instead of a door," he whispers raggedly, guilt layered in his usually smooth voice.

He hesitates. Then, he unlocks the door.

Oikawa-san opens the stall door and freezes at the sight of him, tear-stained and red from crying.

He shakes himself out of it, crouching on the floor and placing a hand on his shoulder.

"I'm so sorry, Tobio. I shouldn't have forgotten you were a child. It was a stupid mistake."

They sit there, and he slowly begins to unfold, limbs dropping from their positions.

Finally, he looks up, and Oikawa-san breathes a slow sigh of relief.

They stand up, though Oikawa-san winces when he puts pressure on his bad knee.

He throws his arms around Tobio.

"I'm really, really sorry," he breathes, mouth pressed against his ear.

He leans into the embrace, desperate to feel the euphoria of approval for as long as possible before it's ripped away.

"I know you are, Oikawa-san," he says.

_I know because you always are,_ he doesn't say.

(He always says sorry; Tobio knows he's going to do it again.)

The door swings open.

"Shittykawa," Iwaizumi-san calls, unaware of the delicate tension between them. "Are you done? Coach wants to go."

"Coming!" he yells.

He smiles, soft and _radiant,_ breaks away, and playfully ruffles Tobio's hair.

Tobio silently watches as Oikawa-san walks away yet again.

His heart breaks, voiceless just as he usually is. He does not grieve, for he never does. With Oikawa-san, he always knows what's going to happen.

_He never even thought of looking back._

**Author's Note:**

> why is the oikage tag so dead  
> befriend me on twt! @BloomingIdiocy  
> if u wanna read more of my writing, im efflorescentidiocy on tumblr


End file.
